She Smells Like Sunshine
by limeverte
Summary: Brittany falls in love with her older sister's best friend
1. prologue

Prologue

Brittany has an older sister- she's her step-sister to be more exact. Her name is Quinn Fabray. Quinn is very calculated, cold, and reserved. She is also exquisitely beautiful. Sometimes, Brittany catches the last remains of her older sister's perfume as she walks down the small corridor that leads to her room and she's pretty sure Quinn smells like perfection- not that she ever smelt perfection before, but the older girl's elegantly discreet albeit lingering odour doesn't seem to deserve any other name.

Quinn is a walking mystery. Nobody ever knows what she's doing. She keeps everything to herself. Brittany spends a lot of time wondering what can be hiding behind her step-sister's gorgeous hazel eyes. She thinks, she hopes, she wishes, that when she gets older she'll be able to understand all those mysteries her sister is concealing under her long lashes.

Quinn doesn't walk, she glides. Her step is light, almost fairy-like. She seems to appear at the most unexpected moments and she disappears as furtively as she comes. Brittany is pretty sure she is some sort of mystical creature. She's almost certain that the older girl has magic powers and- even though she admires her - she has to admit that she's a bit afraid of her.

The thing with Quinn is that no one never really knows where they stand with her because she is completely unpredictable. One moment she is sweet and gentle, the other she is vicious and cruel, but no matter what she does Brittany worships the ground where she stands.

* * *

><p>Quinn has a boyfriend. Her boyfriend's name is Finn. He doesn't dress too well and always wear a goofy smile on his face, but he plays football and Brittany and Quinn's parents like him. Brittany doesn't like him, but she doesn't dislike him either. She is indifferent to him. He waves at her awkwardly whenever he enters a room and she's already there.<p>

Finn never really knows what to do with his hands. Most of the time, he chooses to put them in his pockets. He is clumsy. He bumps into everything. He is so tall that Brittany is sure that he's a giant, maybe an ogre. Sometimes, he holds his hand up in the air and he makes fun of her while she tries to jump high enough to reach it. She likes it when he does that.

Finn eats with his mouth open. When he bends over the table to grasp the salt or the ketchup, he always knocks something down. Brittany thinks is funny the way Finn smells like cheeseburger. Sometimes, she wonders if Quinn can taste that weird cheeseburger essence of his off his lips.

* * *

><p>Quinn's best friend's name is Santana, Santana Lopez. They are always together, walking side by side, the skirt of their cheerleading uniforms swaying in a synchronized motion. Brittany likes to watch them walk because even though they have the same cadence, their demeanour is different.<p>

Quinn always stands with her head held up high. She is always gazing straight ahead and her hands moving around as she speaks. She is so naturally elegant that she seems to come from another world. Santana, on the other hand, walks with her arms crossed over her chest. Her eyes are often narrowed, dark, and they always seem to be scanning their surroundings.

Brittany likes Santana even though the older girl seemed mean at first. She likes her a lot. She's always happy when she sees her parking her car in the driveway. She gets so excited that she runs down the stairs and flings the front door open before the older girl even has the time to step onto the porch. Most of the time, Santana looks surprised to be greeted in such way, but Brittany knows the dark brunette loves it because she always smiles at her and ruffles her hair before walking into the house. Sometimes, she even picks her up and kisses her all over her cheeks. Brittany likes it when Santana holds her close like that because she can smell the moisturizer she uses to keep her skin smooth and it smells like sunshine.


	2. Chapter 1

**2000 (10 years ago)**

_It's Friday night and Santana is always over at their house on Friday nights. Brittany can hear her talking loudly from down the stairs. At times, she giggles uncontrollably at something Quinn whispers to her and Brittany feels all funny inside because she would like to be old enough to know how to make Santana laugh like that._

_Brittany is always compelled to listen to them. She wants to know what teenage girls talk about. She wants to know their secrets. She wants to know how it is to be a part of their world._

_This time is no different; she lowers the sound of the television and tries to catch glimpses of their conversation. Her best friend from school, Rachel Berry, says that older girls are always talking about boys, kisses, and also music because apparently they have glee clubs in high school._

_Quinn doesn't like Rachel much. She says that Brittany is cool enough to find much better friends. She is constantly making fun of the poor girl. She teases her about the way she dresses. She rolls her eyes when Rachel opens her mouth and sighs noisily whenever the small girl decides to show off her musical talent by improvising a song._

"_She is so annoying," Quinn tells her younger sister time and time again._

_Brittany likes Rachel. They have a lot of fun together. They spend most of the time singing and dancing in Brittany's room. They have big dreams of making it to the stage when they get older and to assure their future Rachel makes them practice intensively every day._

_Once a week, they make a little show in Brittany's living-room. 'Broadway nights', Brittany's mother calls it. They invite Rachel's fathers but they are not always able to make it. That her parents are there or not, Rachel wears her everlasting optimistic smile._

"_The show must go on," she tells Brittany when she asks her how she feels about it._

_Brittany likes when Santana is part of the audience on Broadways nights. It makes her blush to have the older girl's stare set on her performance. She tries not to lock eyes with her because it makes her uncomfortable to meet the brunette's intense brown gaze. She gets so shy that she makes mistakes she would never do under normal circumstances. Sometimes she starts giggling in the middle of their routine and Rachel glares at her._

_Everybody laughs at them when it happens and, as much as Brittany thinks it's funny, Rachel can't stand this kind of humiliation. She storms out of the room with her nose up in the air and her hair flying behind her like a superhero's cape._

_Brittany has to run after her and make things better. She tells her friend nice things and goofs around until she smiles. It never takes too long. Rachel might get easily offended but she's a nice girl and they are best friend. She can never stay angry at Brittany for more than a few minutes._

"_Brittany, darling, could you bring some pizza to your sister's room?" Her mother asks her from the kitchen._

_Brittany is fast on her feet. She runs towards her mother and extends her hands forward with obvious impatience. She is fidgeting on her spot. One of her feet is tapping the tile ground excitedly. When she sees that her mother hasn't finished preparing Quinn's pizza plate, she puts her hands on the kitchen's island and starts jumping up and down._

"_Can I eat in my room too?" She asks, flashing her mom a bright smile._

"_No Britt, you eat at the kitchen's table. You'll eat in your room when you get older" The woman replies before handing the plate to Brittany. _

_Brittany would usually protest that her mother is treating her unfairly, but she can't wait to see what the older girls are up to. With Quinn's pizza plate in her hands, she climbs up the stairs, her cheeks already flushed at the idea of being in her sister's friend imposing presence._

"_I really don't get what you see in him," she hears Santana grumble as she reaches the top of the stairs. "Finn is such a loser."_

_Quinn sighs heavily and moves a few objects. Brittany can see her shadow travelling around the room._

"_Stop it, will you? I'm tired of hearing you talk about my boyfriend like that." She takes a pause and stops pacing before hissing a bit viciously."At least, I'm not whoring myself around like you do."_

_Brittany is not sure she should be listening to their conversation. It seems a bit too private for her ears to hear and, even if she would like to know more about the two older girl's conflict, she feels a bit guilty. She clears her throat and knocks on her sister's door even though it's already open. She wants to make sure that the two teenagers will notice that she's there. She wouldn't want Quinn to be mad at her for eaves dropping on them._

"_What are you doing here?" Quinn asks her, her voice laced with contempt. Her hands are twisting awkwardly the hem of the shirt she is wearing and her hazel eyes are darkened with anger._

"_I—I, huh, I-"she stammers._

_Brittany swallows thickly. Her eyes travel from Quinn to her sister's friend, looking for support. Santana is in a half-laying position on Quinn's window seat. There's a magazine on her laps and her feet are propped on the wall in front of her. She's looking at the scene ahead of her with slight interest. A smirk is dancing on her lips. She doesn't intervene until her dark brown eyes fall on the plate in Brittany's hands._

"_Look, she brought us pizza," Santana exclaims happily. "Come here!" She tells Brittany, beckoning her to come closer and swinging her legs to the side so that her feet could rest on the ground. She is so careless that she doesn't even bother to look down at the magazine that fell off her laps at her sudden shift of position. _

_Brittany glances towards her sister, but ducks her head before she could meet a disapproving glare. She starts walking into Santana's direction. There's a lump in her throat. Her mouth is dry. Her footing is unsteady and she is afraid she might trip on her own feet. When she's into arm-length distance, a greedy Santana grabs the plate from her._

"_God, I love your mom's pizza," she tells Quinn, causing Brittany to chuckle. Santana pats the cushiony space next to her and looks up at the small girl standing in front of her. "Sit down," she orders the child with her mouth full of pizza. "Take yourself a piece of pizza."_

_Brittany gives a shy pleading look to her sister. Quinn walks up to them, looking clearly annoyed and grabs a pizza out of the plate on Santana's laps._

"_Your mom doesn't like it when you eat outside the kitchen Britt," she points out before resting her back on the wall next to her friend and glaring down at her sister._

"_Then we won't tell her," Santana said, sending a wink to the little girl next to her."I'm sure you can keep a secret."_

_Quinn scoffs loudly. Santana shakes her head at her friend and smiles at Brittany. The little girl nods timidly and picks up a piece of pizza with shaky hands. Her eyes widen when Santana scoots a little closer to help her hold the humongous piece of pizza in her hands._

"_I know you're a big girl and you can eat all by yourself, but I'm not sure Quinn would be happy if you were to make a mess on her bedroom's floor."_

_Brittany tucks a strand of golden hair behind her ear and takes a small bite of the piece of pizza Santana is holding in front of her. Santana's sunshine smell is invading her senses and its taking her hunger away. The only thing she can think about is how perfect the world seems to be when the older girl is sitting so close to her. She eats a few more bites under Santana's motherly gaze. She wonders if Rachel would be jealous if she knew she was hanging out and eating pizza with teenagers like that._

"_You shouldn't baby her like that. She's already way too immature for her age," Quinn comments after a while._

"_How old are your Brittany?" Santana asks her in a soft voice. _

"_I'm 6 years old, but it's my birthday soon and I gonna turn 7'," Brittany lifts her hands and sticks eight fingers up in the air. "You wanna come? There's going to be a princess, a real princess, my mommy promised. And also some cake, a lot of cake. I can tell her to make some pizza for you if you want."_

_Quinn bends forwards to take a better look at Brittany. Her eyebrows are knitted together. She is snarling. Her nostrils are flaring angrily._

"_Why would Santana come to your birthday party Brittany? You think she's going to want to play Barbie with you?" She asks in a condescending tone. _

_Santana laughs so hard at Quinn's words that she has to wipe tears off her eyes. It doesn't take long before the other teenager stops frowning and joins her with a loud obnoxious laughter. Brittany hangs her head in shame, feeling a bit foolish to have thought that the older girl would want to be her friend._

_She is feeling so sad that there are tears threatening to spill down her cheeks. Suddenly, Santana's laughter stops and Brittany feels a strong arm snaking around her waist, pulling her into a tight embrace. Brittany hides her head in the red fabric of Santana's cheerleading top and sobs loudly. She is a complete mess and the brunette has to rub comforting circles down her back to soothe her down._

"_That's exactly why I don't want my sister hanging out with us. Stop encouraging her into thinking you're her fr-." Quinn starts but is soon interrupted by her friend's glare._

"_Hey kiddo, don't be sad," Santana whispers softly in her ear. "I promise to be there if I don't have anything else. If I can make it I'll bring you a present, okay?"_

_Brittany lifts her head from the older girl's chest and wipes her tears._

"_Okay," she mumbles awkwardly._

"_Now, I want you to smile for me and finish your pizza."_

_Brittany grins at her and picks the last remains of her pizza piece from the plate in Santana's laps. She munches on it happily, half-listening to the conversation between the two teenage girls beside her. They are talking about the party they are going to attend later that night and they sound so excited that Brittany wonders if they're going to be a clown or a magician there. Santana's arm is still enveloping her. Brittany feels Santana's sunshine warming her heart. She is happy and comfortable in this position. _

_When she's finished eating her pizza, she looks up at Santana, trying to meet her eyes, but the brunette is staring up at Quinn with a look Brittany has never seen on her before. Santana's dark eyes are incredibly shiny, twinkling with admiration, and her mouth is slightly parted. She seems in awe. She has the dreamy gaze of a child in front of a Christmas three. The funny thing is that Quinn doesn't even seem to take notice of it. She's sending a text message to Finn and her full attention is on her cell phone._

_There's a knot in Brittany's stomach. She has to give a few kicks at the bench to have Santana's attention again. When she gets it back, nothing is the same. The warm sunshine feeling in Brittany's heart has gone away._


	3. Chapter 2

_(I'm going to mention here to prevent any confusion that there's two timelines to this story) _

**2010 (present day)**

Brittany is sixteen and her coach, Sue Sylvester, told her that she is the youngest squad captain since the years of Quinn Fabray's reign. She is the most popular girl in school –no that she ever was one to care about popularity. She is simply proud to be following her older sister's footstep. She gets a tingly feeling in her stomach when she walks down the hallway, her best friend Rachel at her side, red cheerio's skirts swaying in unison. Despite everything Quinn used to say about Brittany's best friend, it seems that the little obnoxious girl she used to mock found her way to the top of the McKinley High's food chain.

Even though they don't always get each other, Brittany and Rachel's friendship subsisted thorough the years. They do everything together. They are so rarely seen apart that people perceive them as a whole. They are known as a pair: Brittany and Rachel. They even go on dates together- not** together** together, but they like to go on double-dates with their respective boyfriends du jour. Brittany likes to watch Rachel squirm and blush in front of her potential suitors. She doesn't get how her friend can still be so giddy and shy in front of guys when they both have been on countless of dates before.

Since she started high school, Brittany has had her fair share of boyfriends. Of course, none of them were serious and, to tell the truth, if someone were to ask her she wouldn't be able to name them all. She has had many lovers in the past but she has yet to know what is to truly be in love- love in a Disney movie kind of way. She aches for that feeling, wondering when she will be able to finally experience it.

Rachel often tells Brittany that she shouldn't try to rush the feeling. Love is pure. There is no way one could duplicate such absolute perfection. No matter what her friends says, Brittany can't seem to chase this odd longing she has for a feeling she doesn't know.

They still like to hide in their room to sing and dance. Rachel has grown to be an excellent singer and Brittany, for her part, has turned out to be a talented dancer. They complete each other in their own strange kind of way. They use their respective strength to help the one another into becoming better performers.

They are both in their school's glee club. Rachel craves for attention and always needs to be in the spotlight. She is always fighting with her fellow glee clubbers to be the one to get the solos. During group numbers, she's often the one who sings the lead. Most duets are sung by her and her boyfriend of the moment. She is the star of the club.

Brittany doesn't envy her. She is actually happy to see that all the work her friend has put into her performance skills is finally paying off. She watches Rachel perform with awe-filled eyes, hopping off her seat and running up to her to pull her into a proud embrace the minute she has finished singing.

If Brittany were to describe Rachel's odour, she would say that she smells like ambition. It's an intriguing smell. Brittany has come across it before but it was never present in such a predominant way. It's all over Rachel's clothes, skin, and hair. It washes over Brittany whenever they are standing too close, making her dizzy. It's an overwhelming scent. It's almost too much, too powerful, too insistent. It's appealing yet heavy. Brittany doesn't know if she likes it or not.

At times, Brittany wonders if she likes Rachel more than a friend should do. Since she has never experienced true love before, she can't help but wonder if the reason why it doesn't seem to work with boys is that she might be solely attracted to girls. She knows that girls can fall in love with other girls. She has observed the phenomenon before and she wonders if the close bond she shares with her friend could possibly lead to something such as love.

When they have sleepovers, she spends sleepless hours staring with her eyes wide open at the sleeping beauty next to her. She knows it must be creepy and she is scared of what Rachel would think if she would ever catch her looking at her like that, but mesmerized by her friend's intriguing features.

Propped on her elbow with her head resting in her hand, she takes in Rachel's beauty. She lets her free hand hover over her friend's small body, wondering what it would feel like to run her fingers on her smooth skin. When she feels bold, Brittany lets her index slide down Rachel's nose and traces the curve of her lips with the tip of her thumb. She would like to know what it would feel like to kiss her but she wouldn't dare to ask. She doesn't think that her friend is into girls, but she knows that maybe- oh, she hopes that maybe - she wouldn't mind trying it.

"Rachel," she whispers one night. She swallows hard when she sees the other girl's lashes flutter open.

"What?" Rachel mumbles into her pillow.

Brittany bites down on her lips and move a little bit closer to her friend.

"I just-I was wondering if you'd like to- We should totally practice kissing on each other to get better when, you know, we want to kiss boys and stuff."

Rachel looks bewildered. Her sleepy eyes are blinking in an over-dramatic way and her mouth is open wide. She stays like that for a few seconds before closing her mouth and licking her lips with a nervous tongue swipe.

"Brittany, what you're saying doesn't make any sense. You locked lips with more boys than I can count. There's no reason for you to be insecure about your kissing methods. Sometimes you get the strangest-"

Before she has the chance to finish her sentence Brittany rolls on top of her, pins her to the bed with the full force of her body weight and interrupts her speech with a clumsy kiss. Rachel tries to worm her body out of her friend's grip and pushes on the taller girl's chest with both of her hands.

"What?" Rachel squeaks when she is finally able to break their mouths apart. Her large brown eyes are looking at her friend with a mix of horror and shock. "What are you doing?"

"It's just-I want to know if I'm a lesbian," Brittany murmurs almost imperceptibly.

"Brittany, don't be preposterous! As much as I am flattered by your forceful attempt to turn me into your little Sapphic experiment, considering the numerous male lovers that you have had I highly doubt that you're a lesbian."

Brittany nods slowly even though she doesn't understand what her friend just said to her. The only thing she registers is that she has just been rejected by the most important person in her life, her closest friend. She knows her eyes are starting to water and she doesn't want Rachel to see how hurt she is. She shifts to the side, tuning her back to her friend and staring out her bedroom window.

"Brittany," she hears a small voice from behind her.

A tear slides down her cheek and unto her nose. It tickles.

"Are you mad?" A small hand reaches for her waist.

She sniffs loudly and tries to wipe away the tears prickling her eyes.

"Are you crying? Brittany, I wasn't trying to dismiss your feelings. I thought it was one of your usual whims. I'm sorry I didn't take you seriously. Do you really think that you're a lesbian?"

Brittany sighs and rolls on her back. She brings her hand to her temple and rubs it softly. She doesn't know what to reply. She stares at the ceiling, trying to find an answer to the many questions dancing around her mind. She hates being a teenager. The journey to self-discovery is way too long and complicated.

"I don't know," she whispers after a while. "How do you know those things? I've never been in love and I've already had like thousands of boyfriends. Don't you think it's weird?"

Rachel smiles softly and brushes a strand of hair out of her friend's face. She lets her fingers run through Brittany's hair in a comforting gesture. When she feels that the blonde is starting to relax, she strokes her cheek with the back of her hand.

"You're only sixteen Brittany. You have all the time in the world to fall in love. You shouldn't spend so much time dwelling on the subject especially when we have so much to prepare for the upcoming glee sectional competition."

Brittany can feel Rachel's ambition smell wrapping around her body along with her arm. The brunette's ambition perfume is invading her senses and chasing her love dilemmas away. She scoots a little closer to her friend and returns her embrace with a peaceful smile on her lips. She still doesn't know if her feelings for Rachel are more than friendly but it doesn't matter because she has plenty of time to figure it out.


	4. Chapter 3

**2000 (10 years ago)**

_She has been waiting for her birthday party for weeks. Her mother bought her a new dress for the occasion. It's a navy blue dress dotted in white little circles. There's even a matching bow that goes with it._

_Quinn helps her do her hair that morning. She makes a small braid with her bangs and pulls it backwards, tying it with a hair tie and attaching it to her head with the beautiful blue bow her mother gave her. Brittany can hardly believe that her older sister is sharing a little bit of her perfection to make her look pretty. Her cheeks take a pink shade when her older sister bends forward to give a light kiss to her forehead._

"_You look so adorable," Quinn says before dragging her into the bathroom to show her the result of her hairstyling._

_Brittany doesn't even glance at her reflection in the mirror. Instead her bright blue eyes travel up to her sister's hazel ones. Even through the reflective glass she can see how proud and shiny they are._

"_Thank you so much Quinn," she squeals. The tenderness she knows is behind her sister's gesture is enough to fill her with joy._

"_It's nothing," the older girl shrugs it off. "I just want you to look beautiful for your birthday."_

_Brittany turns around and circles her sister's waist. Quinn's light perfume washes over her body. The little girl smiles toothily, getting lost in the perfection of the moment._

_The sound of the doorbell interrupts their sisterly bonding. Brittany shrieks excitedly._

"_It must be Rachel," she screams but part of her wishes it to be Santana. _

_She runs out of the room, skips down the stairs, leaping over the two last ones, and rushes to the door. She jumps up and down, trying to reach for the peephole, but abandons quickly when she comes to the realization that it's way to her for her to see something. She takes a deep breath and tries to calm down. Her hands are moist with anticipation and she has to wipe them over her thighs before reaching for the doorknob._

"_Happy birthday," Rachel says in a sing song voice, sounding chipper as always._

"_You're just on time," Brittany squeal. "Let's go to my room."_

_They have been working on a little choreography for the past weeks. Somehow Rachel convinced the birthday girl that it was absolutely necessary that they did a small 'sing and dance' show in front of her friends which would have the advantage of showcasing their talent and entertaining her guests at the same time. The little dancer is glad to have a friend that takes the time to think about little things like that for her._

_Rachel is as equally bright as Brittany is dim-witted. Well, that's what people seem to think. It saddens her sometime s to know that people are constantly comparing the two of them. She knows can't keep up intellectually with her friend. There is now way she could answer the teacher's question in a nice elaborate way like Rachel. _

_The small brunette seems to know everything about everything. She's a walking dictionary while Brittany is a walking mess. At least, she thinks she is because it's always messy in her head, all blurry, all fuzzy and foggy. Her brain is a misty forest where little fairies are dancing in circles instead of letters and words. It's probably for that reason that the teacher never seems to understand the sentences she writes in her notebook. She probably doesn't speak the fairyland language. She only speaks Rachel's too-many-words language._

_They don't have much time to practice before the others arrive, but they are trying to get the best out of it. Quinn is supervising them and Brittany is glad to see that for once her older sister is making an effort to be nice to her friend. She knows the small brunette must be in heaven to have the older girl's approval even if it's only for one day. The truce between the two girls installs a pleasant mood. Everybody seems to be letting loose. Quinn even makes a few attempts at joking which throws Rachel into a forced fit of giggles and confuses her little sister more than anything else._

_Then Finn arrives with his hamburger smell and a bag filled with __colourful__ decorations. He drops the bag to the floor and picks the birthday girl up in his arms. Brittany buries her head in the crook of his neck, taking in his strange barbecue scent. She likes her sister's ogre-like boyfriend even if sometimes she gets scared he might try to eat her._

"_Happy birthday princess," she hears someone shouting from the driveway before she sees Santana walking up to them with a small cake in one hand and a beautifully wrapped gift in the other._

"_Why is she here?" Finn asks to Quinn from over the little girl's shoulder. His voice is a bit nervous and he sounds mildly annoyed._

"_Britt invited her," Quinn mumbles in reply._

_The teenager is luminous. A halo of light circles her long dark hair. She looks like an angel or a princess, Brittany thinks. Santana is so beautiful that the little girl is pretty sure that even time stops to stare at her. That would explain why she seems to be walking up to them in slow-motion, her brown curls bouncing with every step she takes. The small smirk curling her lips up makes it pretty obvious that she is proud that her entrance has heads turning._

"_Santana, seriously, tell me you didn't really think you could come to a kids' party dressed like this?" Quinn huffs and exchanges a knowing look with Finn._

_At the contemptuous sound of her sister's voice Brittany snaps back to reality. She starts squirming, struggling to get out of the giant's strong arms to run towards the most amazing human being she knows, Santana._

"_What? I look hot," Santana growls in reply, extending her arms forward to catch Brittany and pull her into a protective embrace._

"_You look like you're dressed to be in a 50 cent video," Quinn states."I'll loan you one of my dresses before my mother sees you."_

_The brunette standing in front of her narrows her eyes and the two girls share a staring contest. Brittany feels like she is watching a tiger and a lion circling each other menacingly, waiting for the right moment to pounce. Then a flash of emotion flickers in the deepest corner of Santana's dark brown eyes. An emotion the small girl easily recognizes as hurt and she doesn't need to wait for another sign to know that her sister has already won this strange power game._

"'_Kay whatevs," she says with a snarl before clenching her teeth and sending a glare to the side._

_She bends down to give a quick peck on the birthday girl's cheek and makes a few steps, her feet stomping the ground with fury. She stops in front of Finn, eyeing him threateningly._

"_If I were you I'd wipe that stupid grin off my face, Finnocence," she hisses, her features scrunched forward as she scowls angrily. _

_Before he has the time to find a reply, she whips her hair into his face and steps into the house. Brittany and Rachel glance at one another, both curious as they wonder why there seems to be an obvious tension between Quinn's boyfriend and her best friend. _

_Their inquisitiveness is soon forgotten as new people a people arrive to celebrate Brittany's big day. Family and friends gather into the living-room, chattering and laughing loudly, filling the house with joyful sounds. Even princess Jasmine pays her a visit, looking almost as pretty as in the Aladdin movie. She offers Brittany a beautiful purple balloon that she ties around her wrist. It doesn't the little girl for the rest of the day. There's some music blasting from the radio's speakers. She knows it's cool because it comes from Quinn's CD's. She does her little dance presentation with Rachel and everybody looks impressed by how fluidly she moves. Then she opens her gifts and she's is more than happy with what she received._

_It isn't until her mother hands her, one by one, pieces of cakes to distribute to her guests that she realizes that Santana is nowhere to be find. Brittany shuffles through the house, passing in front of every room, trying to determine where the older girl might be. The dress Santana wore earlier is still there, in a small bundle, crumpled, on Quinn's bed and she knows that the feisty brunette wouldn't have left without the precious item. She doesn't understand why the teenager would decide to play hide and seek without warning anyone about it. Brittany loves that game and she is a bit disappointed that Santana didn't have the kindness to invite her to play._

_She is about to abandon her search when she glances out the window and sees Santana in the backyard, all alone, sitting on a swing. She looks sad. Her dark brown eyes are on the grown. One of her feet is tracing haphazard patterns in the dirt. Quinn's is odd-looking on her. It's too grown-up for how small and pitiful she seems in this position. _

_Brittany leaves the plate she's holding on the kitchen counter and steps outside. Still on her birthday high, she skips towards the cheerless cheerleader. Her navy blue dress is dancing in the wind as she approaches the teenage girl. She flops onto the swing next to Santana's and gives the teenager her biggest grin. The brunette barely lifts her head to acknowledge her presence. A faint smile turns the corners of her mouth up but it quickly fades away. The small girl reaches across the gap that separates their swings and tugs at Santana's wrist, trying to take hold of her hand. The older girl lets her have her way with a bit of reluctance._

"_I think you looked prettier when you were wearing your own dress," Brittany says out loud because she always voices all of her thoughts and she really does think Santana looked better in her own clothes, when she was smiling with cockiness instead of frowning like a sad-looking puppy. _

"_Yeah, I know," Santana replies flatly, shrugging her shoulders._

_An awkward silence follows and Brittany tries to hide her uneasiness by watching their intertwined hands sway under the back and forth motion of her own arm._

"_Are you sad because of what Quinn said?" she asks after a while._

_Santana squints at her but doesn't reply._

"_I'm glad you came for my birthday," Brittany adds, forcing the joy into her voice._

_The older girl nods and stays quiet. The small girl drops her hand and jumps on her feet. She grabs both chains of Santana's swing and stares at her with unhidden irritation. _

"_You could at least pretend that you're happy like when my mommy had a bad day at the office but pretends that she's happy when she gets home so that we don't feel sad because of it. It's my birthday after all and I think it's unfair that you're acting all sad and lonely when you should be having fun with the rest of us"_

_Santana chuckles and shakes her head a little. _

"_You are way too cute," she says, giving a light tap to Brittany's nose with the tip of her finger._

_The little girl looks up in Santana's eyes and, when sees that the thoughts clouding the older girl's gaze have been pushed away, she smiles toothily. The older girl beams at her, exposing a set of perfect white teeth and scrunching her nose up in a feline expression._

"_When you smile like that you look like there's sunshine in your eyes," Brittany whispers admiringly. "You should really do it more often."_


	5. Chapter 4

**2010 (present day)**

Brittany spends most of her classes staring out the window, daydreaming about running outside with the wind in her hair and a smile on her face. Rachel is always the one to bring her back to reality. She coughs loudly and gives her a pointed look.

"Pay attention", she mouths, her tongue sticking out of her mouth and sliding across her bottom lip.

Brittany's attention always shifts from the courtyard to Rachel's luscious mouth. Her friend's lips remind her of those strawberry flavoured marshmallows, red and cushiony. They seem sugary. She wants to taste them again. She's not sure if she's supposed to think about a girl's mouth in that way, but she doesn't really care.

It's a bit of an obsession.

She tried once or twice to convince Rachel that kissing would be a great way to help her figure out whether or not she was a lesbian. It didn't work. It turns out that Rachel isn't that easily manipulated.

Her latest plan- to both explore her sexuality and make Rachel jealous- has been to make a kissing list. She made a few discoveries along the way.

Girl's kisses taste like lip-gloss.

Boy's kisses taste like armpits and hamburgers.

Janitor's kisses taste like beer. She must admit that she enjoyed that tongue to tongue moment with Mr. Kinley. His beer flavoured kisses reminded her of Cheerio parties and getting drunk.

Girls tend to be better kissers than boys. They adapt more easily to their partners. That being said, the best kiss she ever had came from a boy, Damian, who, strangely, hadn't kissed anyone before. She realized through her journey that experience often means nothing when it comes to the art of kissing and that chemistry is always the most important ingredient for a good make out session.

That Monday, like always, Rachel interrupts her trail of thoughts by giving a light tap on her forearm.

"Brittany Pierce, I would appreciate if you were to stop staring at my mouth with that intense look in your eyes. I am not oblivious to your peculiar approach of exploring your internal debates regarding your sexuality, but I would rather be left out of it."

Brittany has no choice but to look straight ahead and pretend to be listening to whatever the teacher is trying to explain. She doesn't like history. It's probably the school subject she despises the most. There are way too many things to remember: dates, facts, eras, explorers…Everything seems wrapped up in a bubble of confusion that floats uselessly through her mind. As if someone could truly remember such amount of information. Well, Rachel does but Rachel is Rachel which means that she is exceptionally good at everything, a characteristic that Brittany doesn't share with her friend.

Brittany likes to look at pretty thing like flowers and it doesn't help that Mrs. Klus, their teacher, is old, fat, and ugly. She has a wart on her nose. It's big and it moves when she talks. It's highly disturbing. There's a mole right beneath her eye with two or three hair sticking out of it. Once Brittany brought tweezers in class in the hopes of pulling them out of their brown habitat, she asked the teacher if she was open to having her facial hair removed, and ended up in detention. Their history teacher also wears lipstick. It goes all over her mouth and cheeks like the Joker in Batman with a few decorative smudges as a bonus.

She smells like cat food. It's the main reason why Brittany refuses to feed her cat with it. She doesn't want to make an association between her beloved pet and her awful teacher.

Brittany starts doodling flowers and Rachel's mouth on a loose sheet of paper. It's much more interesting than learning about Lenine ruling Ancient Egypt. She uses her entire box of gel pen to achieve her rainbow coloured oeuvre.

"Brittany, what are you doing still in class? It's been over for about five minute. Haven't you heard the bell ring?"

Mrs. Klus is hovering over her drawing with a concerned look on her face.

"I didn't hear the bell ring", she replies.

"Oh Brittany, Brittany, I'm going to miss you", Mrs. Klus tells her in a overly sweet tone of voice before ruffling her hair and walking away.

Rachel left without her again. She is probably with Puck again. For some reason, Brittany doesn't really like their blossoming friendship. Even though he insists that his motives are pure and that his relationship with Rachel is purely platonic, she doesn't trust the young man. He's a heartbreaker. He takes pleasure in playing with women as much as Brittany enjoys kissing.

There she is running down the hallway, calling after Rachel again. Her ponytail is whipping the air. Her feet are tapping loudly against the tile floor. People are already rushing to their next classes. She probably won't be able to find her friend on time. She kicks the ground and pouts. She's getting the feeling that her friendship with the talkative brunette is slowly fading away, that she's losing her, and it scares her because she doesn't know life without Rachel.

She stares out the window again, wishing she were somewhere else. There's a lump in her throat and undeterminable feeling is twisting her stomach. She presses her fingertips on dirt stained glass. One thing is sure; Mr. Kinley hasn't washed the windows in a long time. She glances from side to side. There are a few late students still making their way towards their classrooms.

Nobody is paying attention to her.

She bites her lip. Her eyes fall on a door a few steps away. The word "Exit" flashes in front of her eyes in bright crimson red. Freedom is ahead of her, taunting her, waiting for her. She feels her pulse accelerate. She hears her own heartbeat drumming into her ears. Adrenaline is rushing through her veins. She's never done anything like this before.

Her feet work faster than her brain and before she knows it she's running on the pavement, far from school, far from Rachel. The wind is sliding shyly, almost tenderly, across her face. It's whispering soft words in her ear. She smiles as she run and run and run. The sun is warming up her skin. It feels like summer. She knows her parents will be mad. Quinn will probably call her to scold her and Rachel will most certainly make a speech about her inappropriate behaviour.

She knows all that, but for the moment she has no more worries, no more fears.


	6. Chapter 5

**10 years ago (2000)**

_"Can you keep a secret?" Quinn says_

_Secrets. Brittany has never been asked to keep one before. It feels big. It feels grown up. Quinn's finger is standing still against her perfect kips as if to say "be quiet", but the left corner of her mouth is quivering. Brittany can't stop glancing towards it. Even perfection has its flaws. It makes her nervous to see that even her sister is fallible._

_"Brittany, are you listening to me?"_

_Hazel eyes are searching her. They are piercing, filled with contained anger, but for the first time Brittany sees past her sister's wall of perfection and what she sees is fear. It scares her. She swallows tickly and licks her dry lips. Many words are flying through her confused mind, but none of them has the strength to leave her mouth. She nods in reply._

_"Don't tell anybody about what you saw, not even your mom, not even Rachel, nobody."_

_She nods again, her eyes darting to the floor. Quinn breathes out a shaky sigh and smiles at Brittany. She squeezes her little sister's shoulder in an oddly affectionate gesture before walking back to her room where Santana is pretending to be filing her nails instead of paying attention to their conversation with an attentive ear. Her head lifts up automatically when Quinn steps into the room. Brittany can see a sly grin slide across the beautiful brunette's features before the door is closed on her sister's teenage world._

_Brittany closes her eyes and shakes her head. She sees it again, Quinn and Santana sitting by the window seat, laughing whole heartedly. She thought it was weird at first because she hasn't seen it in a while. The two teenagers look so carefree. From where she is, the small girl can see that Santana's dark brown eyes are twinkling, twinkling like little stars. The brunette's cheeks are as red as the Mackintosh apple she ate for snack earlier that afternoon and she keeps on pulling the same lock of hair behind her ear in a very awkward way. Quinn stills the nervous motion by covering Santana's hand with her own. She whispers something soft that Brittany can't make out. Santana giggles in a goofy way, stopping short when her friend drops her hand to cradle her face and pull her forward into a brief, yet tender, kiss._

_They pull apart after a few seconds. Santana's eyes are staring dreamily at her friend's parted mouth. She brings her fingers to her own lips and looks up into Quinn's hazel eyes. Her dark brown orbs are filled with questions, anxiety, and confusion. Brittany's sister smiles innocently. A smirk turns the corner of Santana's mouth up. She leans forward and hesitates a little before capturing her friend's lips with her own. This time around the kiss is less innocent, much more eager, and lasts longer. Both girls seem completely lost in it._

_Brittany doesn't know what to do. Part of her knows she shouldn't be witnessing this private moment, but feet are locked to the ground. She is curious. She has never seen anything similar before. She didn't even know that two girls could kiss on the mouth like that. It's pretty, like watching the sunset or dancing around in the rain. She wonders if Santana or Quinn could get pregnant out of it. She knows it's something that happens when boys and girls kiss, but maybe it's different when there is no guy. Rachel says that two people of the same gender can have babies together or else her fathers wouldn't have had her. Brittany can't discuss her friend's impeccable logic._

_"What is she doing here?" She hears Santana squeal and before she knows it Quinn is grasping her arm and pulling her out of the room._

Can you keep a secret?

_Brittany doesn't get why it has to be a secret. She likes pretty things and what she saw between Quinn Santana was very pretty. Pretty things should be out there for the world to see, not hidden behind closed doors._

_There's a moment of complete silence. Then Brittany hears hushed words harshly whispered behind Quinn's door. It doesn't last long; Santana is soon stepping out of the room. There's a deep frown creasing her forehead. She looks so angry that rage seem to overcome her natural sunshine scent. She smells like thunder and her eyes are filled with rain. As she rushes by Brittany, the small girl tries to take hold of her hand, to make her feel happy and safe, but Santana walks to fast and she is left grasping air. The teenager doesn't even spare her a glance. She is completely lost in her world of anger and pain._

_The front door opens and closes with a loud bang._

_Brittany turns towards her sister. Quinn's lips are pressed firmly together. Her expression is unreadable. In the movies, it's the moment where the main character realizes his or her mistakes and runs after the girl she loves, but Quinn doesn't move. She stays on her spot with her arms crossed over her chest._

_Life is not a movie and Brittany knows that her older sister won't run after Santana because the truth is that unlike Brittany, Quinn is perfect and she never makes any mistake._


	7. Chapter 7

Hi! I know I've been away for a very long while. I was going mhm through some things...

If I'm writing this message today it's because I'm thinking of finishing this story...but I was just wondering before if people were still willing to read it.

If it's the case please send me a message either on my other account (it's connected to the e-mail I currently use the most):

Salerate

Or on my tumblr:

Thatawkwardllamasblog

I'll obviously won't bother replying to any insults. -.-"

(the links can both be found on my profile)


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